In relationships?

To spend your whole life looking for someone to complete you and feeling inadequate when you are single like your not enough by yourself- why are human beings so co-dependant?

Ive been single for 3 years and for the most of it i was content, the only time i felt bad about myself was when i didnt meet the stupid social expectations that have been forced upon me since birth! Find your prince charming - You probably danced with him once upon a dream. Would it be easier to find my prince if he was holding my glass slipper?

Ive been with someone now for i dont know 10 minutes! and for the best part of it I have judged and ridiculed myself - does he like me?, Am i enough? Is he sick of me? Am i a rebound?, Does he want her back?, Im way too fat for this!

WTF!

How does 1+1 leave me feeling like a half?????

There is no dancing in my dreams, Ive smashed my glass slipper, ive cut my hair short so please leave me sleeping in my glass coffin im perfectly happy here!

You make me really happy...........
But im not sure if you should

Im definitely in over my head in all aspects of my life!

Will i ever get my dissertation in?

How painful will my appointment at the hospital be?

Am i really doing the right thing?

so every time i think of freshers or finishing uni my chest hurts a little - I think its because uni was so fun! lazing in the middle of the week, watching movies, pub, cinema and general fun times - it was amazing with a few sad or stressful/hard times. I think life will from now on be stressful, busy, sad, hectic with a few fun points!

walking around uni with all the freshers makes me really sad because that will never be me again the excited yet scared new young student

can you have a mid-life crisis at 22????!!!???

This makes me sad
Very sad

my foot is cold!(it is balanced in the window)

Just watched hollyoaks - the characters were getting their GCSE results and I got a pang of sadness the same kind I assume causes a mid life crisis when you are 40! I remember my results day so well the laughing, the relief, ame puking in the pub from too much punch!!!!

I feel as though I have nothing in my life to look forward to or be excited about and that upsets me. Yeah people will say finishing my masters or graduating etc but i still feel rather blah about the whole thing

I have recently been abused over facebook all of the insults focusing on my pathetic singledom! Yes I feel bad about it thanks for pouring salt into the wound - good job I have a brave face! Are there really no men or am i just closed off, missing them constantly?


My feet are cold.
HA my heart is colder!

So today i lost my job!

I have some hours at kingsmill starting 21st of september

I have worked out that it will cost me £110 a week for rent, petrol and food- nothing else no other kind of living - I will be getting £120 in september and october I am £640 short for those two months alone! GREAT

Am going to live in box its cheaper!

fingers uncrossed- it definitely wasn't worth it

The new harry potter film just rocked my world - literally
It was amazing! I laughed, cried and enjoyed every moment

Im glad I saw it with zoe and the biggest harry potter geeks I know (amy and krystin)apart from one (my dad) who I am going to see with again next week yey

Im confused why I fancy cook from skins - he embodies everything I hate chav, drug addict, idiot and yet god he is fit! hahaha

many many of them
I enjoy making paper chains- though i cant get the paper right
Im fighting that sinking feeling that im going to fail my dissertation if I dont actually do something about it!
Today I bought party things, i have work in the morning snore!
I get to see andy on friday THANK GOD I have really missed him.
I just want to stay in bed till late 2moro reading harry potter, then go have coffee with krystin, go and have dinner with my nan, see my cat, then go and drink wine with ame and talk about life till 3am ....... instead i am going to work, up at 6 back and 5pm, tea, uni work, bed eurgh

SMILE-you'll get wrinkles

Reading harry potter
Going to watch it on wednesday i am very excited in a geek way!!!!

My tummy keeps making strange rumbles
I have wasted this whole weekend

Be online now yes??

Today I walked for an hour in the rain
Felt the water soak through to my skin
Felt it make little puddles in my shoes
I didn't care

I stopped under a cold hard bridge
My feet left sodden marks on the stone
I watched the rain
No one watched me

The water washed over an empty playground
Washed over the abandoned bridge
And it was silent
Just me and the rain

It's still waiting
Hadn't yet begun
Its been washed away by the rain
What a waste, I didn't care.

New Page
New Entry
New Picture
New Me?

Thanks to a certain Miss Mayfield ive decided to breathe a little life back into my livejournal. My last entries were clearly a very low point for me, one that I cant believe I let myself get to. That was years ago now, ive healed, it was stupid.
I now have my english degree and working towards my masters in journalism im always playing catch up, ill never stop.
My spelling is still as bad though i have become a little more cryptic oops.

Busy weekend
happy birthdays 21st
A 2yr old's smile-my nephew <3
1am catchups with an old friend, new friend, forever friend, my sole-mate
time with nan well spent
nervous, sick, fear and anticipation
relationship karma
will this time be worth it?
fingers crossed

loves
xxxxxx

rah this site now bores me!

hello

again it has been forever but meh

my nan is getting better slowy she had her stiches out, 77 from knee to hip ouch!

i hve nothing really exciting to write

i like a boy
he doesnt really like me
just as a drunken snog
which is typical

its lonely being stacey

thats all for now
love me XxXxXx

today i got a phone call from home my dad sounded really down

i thought my nan had died as shes in hospital!
got all sad but he said that we had been broken into
they took
the tv
mums mobile
mums purse - bank cards, credit cards, cash,
dads breifcase- his shop money, savings, £1000 taken out yesterday for new carpet, my nans pension and bill money, all savings, my money for belgium, dads cards.
my car keys
mums house keys


my mum and dad are really upset and have to pay for new locks
and they hve saved for that grand for a new carpet

my cat was in the house
shes a stray
shes scared of ppl like terrified
dad said she was so scared when he got in like hiding and cowering

i feel so shit and sick

last nyt was shit

i acted like a bitch
i basically got wankered and kissed a guy without realising another guy that i had been flirting with was ryt there
i am such a bitch
i was sooooo drunk
i wasnt the most liked person
i cried in the toilets
i cried loads on my pij he is great
then i sobbed because i was sick of being lonely it was pathetic
then i cried for him the one who used to be my boy
nearly 4 months after and i was crying about him LAME
now i feel terrible and hve to tell the guy i was sort of with that i cant and i need to be on my own

grrrrrrrrrr its soooooo fuckin shit
i knw compared to some this is a shit problem but i miss how i used to be
and last nyt was an eye opener
i just wanna find someone to care about who'll care about me who'll make my stomach flip and make me feel happy again LAME

anyhooooo lalalalala

thats all for now
luv me xXxXxXxX

well
its after chrimbo
i had a good one
i have work to do
and im even tooo lazy to write an entry in this

except i dont care i actually dont
i smile and laugh
my brain is clear from you
and it feels nice and fluffy- like kats brain on a stupd day


lalalala
#hope everyone had a nice chrimbo

i got tickets to see dirty dancing in london OMG good old mummy

i promise one day i will write a real entry

thats all for now
luv me XxXxXxXx

p.s Ame had her baby a little boy 7lb 12 omg
he is soooo cute
im over the moon for her
her and lora
babys
lalala
how scary is it that i want one now! when i was convinced i didnt
so congrats on the birth of little lord brody

finished my essay
went to bed at 5am snore


went to the library, journal searching oh god another essay!!!!!!!!!!!


got cold
talked to katie n varley
ate flying saucers
got colder
i like your hair
numb hands
walked fast very very cold
got in
got a bear hug
cried
YES IM AN ARSE


lalala

time for a nap

love me xxxxx

TODAY was christmas
well fake christmas
i was up till 4am writing an essay
andy stayed in my bed
i was up at 8 had to go get the turkey thing
came back kicked andys arse out of bed
ella made us pancakes
we went for a walk got the rest of the food
came back made up the table and opened presents we had 33 under our tree OMG there is only 5 of us
we all sat n screamed at each others presents in excitement
we got andy a dancing penguin u play it music n it dances to the beat he screamed
we had a massive dinner
-turkey
-stuffing
-roasts
-cabbage
-carrots
-brocolli
-pigs in blankets
-yorkshire puddings
also a starter of prawns voluveunts (cant spell) and chicken things then chocolate cake or pudding
then we watched Father christmas where he is all grumpy n me amy andy kat fell asleep on the sofa watching the snowman still wearing our santa hats haha

kat bought me a car that we were playing with in boots made for 3 yr olds
it sings n ejects the bunny if it hits something hahaha

ryt now andy is drinkin wine n is pissed sprawled on the sofa

deffo feels like chrimbo
smiles and hugs and grins n more smiley stuff
happy

but got 2 essays to write so im off or ill never sleep


thats all for now
love ya XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

helllo

last nyt was so much fun

we went to the masked ball at scream
we didnt buy masks we made them with vaseline and glitter
it was FUCKING amazing
andy had a red lightning bolt
zoe had a purple star
ella had a silver swirl
and i had a blue mask - i kinda looked like a super hero haha
i got drunk
zoe did more
we danced
note me n ella r not girly enough to dance like we did in girly dresses hahaha
end of the night gary ended up with my blue glitter all over his face hahaha was funny and worth it :)
it feels good to be happy again
it feels good to smile

kat did her exam today yey
i handed in one essay today
3 to go eurgh

thats all for now
love me xXxXxXxXxXxX